


caught in the crossfire

by octaviablakes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Alec Lightwood, canon divergent after izzy's trial, the clave is just the worst okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6841426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octaviablakes/pseuds/octaviablakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the prompt: what if Valentine somehow got his hands on the cup in 1x11, and without a way to save her, would Alec accept that the law is hard, and that it is that way for a reason, and let Isabelle be stripped of her runes and banished?</p><p>Or would he do everything in his power to stop it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. betrayal

 

_Help me realize:_

_If life is a battle, I don’t have to fight it alone._

even in war, i am not without allies | [m.a.w](http://dvoyd.tumblr.com/post/143459639873)

 

 _Betrayal_. It was not a feeling he had much experience with. Not until now.

He had been betrayed by his parents. His _parabatai._ His sister. Even Magnus Bane. And now the Clave.

His sister’s life for the Mortal Cup. Isabelle stripped of her runes. He couldn’t even imagine it, couldn’t wrapped his head around the idea; his little sister banished, never to be seen again. All for the Cup. That was all it ever seemed to come down to. It had started with Clary, who had whirled through their lives like some goddamn tornado, tearing everything he’d ever known to pieces, but underneath it all, at the very centre, was the desire – no, the _need -_ everyone had for the cup. Valentine’s need. The Clave’s. And now his own.

“I’m sorry we lost the case.” He heard Magnus say on the other side of the wall.

“Yeah. But at least we lost it with style.” Isabelle – always too brave for her own good – replied. Alec wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there, lurking outside of Isabelle’s temporary holdings with Raj watching him, always looking like he wanted to say something but didn’t. It was cowardly, putting off the inevitable, and he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. He ignored the slight trembling of his hand and took a deep, calming breath before he pushed the door open. Magnus and Isabelle both turned to him at once, Magnus’ expression hopeful and Isabelle’s resigned.

“Any sign of Jace and Clary?” Isabelle asked, but he knew by her tone that she already knew the answer. She’d always been good at reading him, always knew what he was trying to say when words failed him. He shook his head and she smiled weakly, trying her best to put on a brave face. He saw Magnus’ hopeful expression wither and die before the Warlock turned away. “So that’s it then? Do Mom and Dad know?”

“It’s not over, Izzy. I’m not giving up. I can try tracking Jace again -”

“ _No_. Your bond will _break,_ Alec.” Isabelle cut in, anger flashing in her eyes. “You said it yourself. They’re gone.”

“I don’t know that for sure. I’ll go out there myself and look for him. Luke’s not answering his phone but if I go find him, he can help me track and -” He cut himself off with a sigh, his fingers dragging through his hair, close to tearing it from the roots. “I’ll find a way.”

“You can’t fix everything, big brother. Not this time.” Izzy closed her eyes, sighing in defeat, like she had already accepted her fate. Alec shook his head, refusing to let her give in. “Alec, it was my choice to go after Meliorn. I knew the risks -”

“Shut up, Izzy.” He snapped, fingers tightening around his hair.

“I’m going to call Mom and Dad. They need to know what’s going on. Don’t… don’t go anywhere, okay?” Isabelle said, blinking hard against the gathering tears in her eyes. She didn’t move until he nodded and he watched, with the ache in his chest growing, as she retreated to the far corner of the room. She looked so small, so unlike her usual self. His fierce little sister, with a heart big enough for the whole world.

Hearing footsteps, he tore his gaze away from Isabelle. Magnus was pacing, blue sparks flying from the tips of his fingers.

Something bitter twisted inside of him when he looked at Magnus.

“Why did you do it?” He spoke without realising it. Magnus seemed to freeze, hesitating before he looked across at him. Alec lowered his hands from his hair as he leaned back against the door, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling. There were cracks in the ceiling. He’d never noticed them before. “I know it was you who stole my _stele_. I understand why Jace did it. And why Isabelle played along with it. But not you.”

Magnus sighed his name. Not Alec. But _Alexander._ The same way he did before, when he told him about marrying Lydia.

“What was your going rate?” Bitterness seeped into his tone. “What did they promise you in return?”

He rubbed his arm, the Forsaken wound burning. He’d had worse wounds and endured. It was all about focus. Focus was the key. But he couldn’t – didn’t remember how – and his eyes fell shut. It was all too much. He could hear Isabelle’s voice, quiet and far-away. He could feel Magnus’ presence, too close, the weight of his gaze too much. And then his phone was ringing, vibrating against his thigh.

He pulled his phone out, inhaling sharply when he looked down at the screen.

“Jace? Are you okay? Where are you? Where the _hell_ have you been? You need to get back to-”

“Alec.” The way he said his name was enough to stop his tirade. There was something in the way he said it that made him stop. It was something he’d not heard in a long time. He was reminded of the little boy who’d suddenly appeared in the Institute one day, who his mother had said was called Jonathan. He didn’t speak for weeks and Izzy hadn’t understood, didn’t understand why he wouldn’t talk to them. Their mother had told them to be patient with him, that he’d speak when he was ready... He hadn’t thought about that Jace in a long time.

“What’s wrong? Where are you? Tell me and I’ll come -”

“No, Alec.” Jace sighed, defeated – something he’d never heard in Jace’s voice before. “Valentine… he, he has the cup.”

Strange. How numb he felt as his world crumbled all around him.

“He’s my father, Alec. All this time – I thought – everything is –” He didn’t understand how everything he knew could change so quickly. It was Alec who stumbled, who words never came easily to. Jace always knew what to say. “I’m sorry. Alec – I couldn’t – I couldn’t stop him.”

He wasn’t sure when he found his way to the floor. He didn’t even realise it until he opened his eyes and found Magnus crouched in front of him, his hand resting on Alec’s bent knee. Alec barely felt it when he lifted his own hand and placed it over Magnus’, needing to keep it in place, his fingers numb, his hands trembling. Magnus blinked in surprise, his fingers twitching under Alec’s palm.

Alec closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing until he could no longer hear his heartbeat racing in his ears. He focused on the wood of the door against his back and the warmth of Magnus’ hand under his. When he opened his eyes again, he knew what needed to be done.

“Okay.” He finally said. _There is always something we can do._ “Okay.” _We're Lightwoods. We break noses and accept the consequences._ “Don’t come back to the Institute. It’s not safe. Go to Magnus’ place. We’ll meet you there.”

“Alec -” He could hear someone in the background. Sounded like Clary. Strange, that he was oddly comforted by that.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. We’ll… find a way.” He hung up before he could say anything else, shoving his phone back into his pocket. Magnus was still staring at him, eyes worried, lips pulled in a tight line. _There is always something we can do._ Alec gripped his hand tightly for a brief second before he let go, pushing himself up onto his feet. “Can you make a portal? Right here, right now?”

“I – yes, I suppose so. But I don’t see why…” Magnus frowned, rising from his crouched position. “What did Jace say?”

“Alec, what’s going on?” Isabelle startled him, appearing suddenly by his side.

There was no time to explain. “We need to get out of here. Now.”

“Please tell me what’s happening.” Isabelle cried, latching onto his arm. “Is Jace alright?”

“I need you to trust me.” He said, his gaze shifting to Magnus as he spoke. The Warlock frowned, his eyes wide with panic – fear – confusion - Alec wasn’t sure – but he nodded. A moment later, he waved his hands and a portal appeared. His _parabatai_ rune ached and he could feel the bond between them, but it wasn’t the faint, fragile thing it had been before. It gave him a small sliver of hope that all wasn’t lost, that somethings could be fixed. He dragged in a deep breath, focusing on that.  “Valentine has the cup. We have to go before anyone finds out.”

“ _What?”_ Izzy cried, her nails digging into his arm. “How? How is that possible?”

“I don’t know. And right now it doesn’t matter. We need to _go.”_

But Isabelle shook her head, holding her ground. “Alec, we can’t! If we run, the Clave -”

“At least this way you’ll still have your runes and weapons. You know what they’ll do if they find out we can’t give them the cup.” He knew the moment her expression wavered that he had won, and moved quickly, before she could find something else to argue him on. He guided her to the portal, planting her between it and him. “Either way, we’re on our own. At least, until we get the cup back.”

“Okay, big brother.” Izzy relented. “Just until we get the cup…”

He gave Izzy’s shoulders a gentle shove and she stepped forward into the portal.

“You next.” Magnus gestured towards the portal with a flourish.

He shook his head and Magnus let out a startled laugh. “Alexander, _really,_ this isn’t the time for jokes -”

“This isn’t a joke.” Alec sighed, staring at the empty place where Izzy had stood only seconds ago. “I have to stay here.”

“You _can’t._ ” Magnus said, the concern in his eyes making something in Alec’s chest ache. Alec took a deliberate step away, from both Magnus and the portal. Magnus’ hand fluttered in the space between them, like he wanted to reach for him but thought against it. “You said so yourself – when the Clave finds out the cup is gone, they won’t exactly be forgiving. They’ll know you helped Isabelle escape. They’ll arrested you – or _worse_.”

“I know.” The words left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“You don’t have to do this.” The way Magnus was looking at him reminded him of Jace that night in the City of Bones. Something in his chest ached, a pain he wasn’t familiar with. But Izzy was right. _Everyone has a choice._ And this was his.

“I used to think, you know, if you just followed the rules, everything would work out. Everything would be fine. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?” Alec found himself asking as he stalked forwards, finding it increasingly difficult to look at Magnus. There was pain in his eyes. Pain he’d put there. Alec felt a twinge of regret, he hadn’t meant to do that. “I’ve given everything to the Clave, but they can’t have my sister.”

They never did get to have that drink together. Just one more regret to add to the list.

“Goodbye, Magnus.” He said and shoved the Warlock through the portal.

The portal glowed brightly before it disappeared. And then he was alone.

He didn’t envy Magnus right now, knowing how angry Isabelle would be – though he feared his sister’s fury would have nothing on Inquisitor Herondale’s. The woman was a dragon, making even someone like Lydia, with a spine of steel, bend. He wasn’t sure how he could face her; she was the figurehead of the Clave, after all, the living embodiment of all the rules and regulations he’d lived his life following.

He’d faced down demons and never run in fear. He could do the same now.

“I can’t wait for this all to be over.” He heard Raj mutter as Alec left the room. “Been stood out here for hours.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “How terrible for you.”

“Alec!” The way Raj startled, so violently that he knocked his head against the wall, made him smirk. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Clearly.” He muttered as he closed the door to Isabelle’s (vacant) room firmly behind him. “My sister isn’t to be disturbed. She’s had enough to deal with today. If anyone wants to speak to her, they come to me first. Do you understand, or do I need to say it again?”

“What – what about the Warlock?”

Alec’s brow lifted. “What about him?”

“Isn’t he in there with her?” Raj asked and then scoffed. “As if a Seelie wasn’t bad enough -”

In a way, he was almost grateful for Raj. It gave him someone to take his frustration out on. Alec shoved him hard and the other man stumbled against the wall with a satisfying _thud._ For a Shadowhunter – if someone who milled around the Institute all day, brownnosing, and probably hadn’t seen a demon in _years_ could be called a Shadowhunter _–_ Raj was easy to get the jump on. He barely even struggled, too surprised to react in time. His eyes went wide with fear when Alec pressed his seraph blade to his neck.

“What were you saying about my sister?” He said, pressing on his blade just enough to draw blood. Barely more than a scratch.

He’d never seen someone go so pale so quickly. “N-nothing.”

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“Nothing!” Raj snapped, pushing uselessly at Alec’s shoulders. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Good.” Alec said as he lowered his blade. Raj slumped against the wall, breathing hard and fast. “But if you so much as look at her the wrong way,” he murmured as he ran his thumb over the faint thin line on Raj’s neck. “I’ll give you more than a papercut. Do we understand each other?”

Raj nodded jerkily. “Yeah, Alec. We - I – I got it. I understand.”

Alec took a breath, nodded once, and then stalked away. The Forsaken wound was burning but he couldn’t afford to let it be a distraction. He couldn’t go to his room to redress it and he refused to go to the infirmary for something so frivolous, he needed to… he needed to... _Be like Jace_ , he told himself, _make yourself be seen_. Alec cursed under his breath. He’d always hated playing the distraction.

The chances of him not being implicated in his sister’s arrest were slim, but if enough people saw him walking around the institute, he’d have an alibi – which would give him time to think, regroup, and figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. As long as Jace and Clary stayed away, and Isabelle wasn’t found, there was a way out of this mess. Assuming they could find that godforsaken cup before Valentine raised his army and the Inquisitor had them all stripped of their runes and banished.

Seemingly overnight, the institute had been taken over by the Inquisitor and her people. He barely recognised his own home. His parents were gone. There was no Izzy or Max. No Jace. There was no one left. Only him. And Hodge. But he couldn’t involve Hodge in this; there would be no more second chances for him if anyone found out.

No, in this – for now – he was on his own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the prompt was kindly given to me by aleclightwooddefense on tumblr. the title was originally 'I can't save us, my Atlantis, we fall' but i couldn't make my mind up, and then i heard the song 'crossfire' by stephen and it just fit so perfectly.
> 
> this is my first time writing in this fandom so i'm a little nervous about posting this. anyway, i really really hope you enjoy this first chapter! thanks for reading :)


	2. polarize

It took them less time than he had anticipated to discover Isabelle’s disappearance.

It took even less time for them to put two and two together. He was stood in the weapons room, overseeing the Inquisitor’s sanctioned weapons check for Lydia, when they came for him. The door to the weapons room flew open and Inquisitor Herondale stormed in, wearing a murderous expression that rivalled one of his mother’s when she was in one of her moods. She was flanked by five of her people – a little excessive – and Lydia, who hurried into the room, out of breath. Lydia mouthed a silent apology at him.

“Where is she?” The Inquisitor demanded and Alec straightened. “Where is Isabelle Lightwood?”

“It was my understanding that Isabelle was to be confined to the Institute.” Alec answered, lowering the blade he’d been inspecting. Best not to be holding a weapon when confronted by the Inquisitor herself and five fully armed Shadowhunters. “If my sister is not in her room, then might I suggest checking the kitchen? After the stress of the day, I’d imagine she’s -”

“We haven’t _misplaced_ the prisoner.” One of the Shadowhunters behind the Inquisitor snapped. “She escaped – and you aided her, didn’t you?”

Before he could speak, Lydia stepped forward, placing herself between him and the Inquisitor and her people.

“Are you suggesting that Alec had something to do with Isabelle’s disappearance?” Lydia demanded, her tone hard and unforgiving. Everyone but Inquisitor Herondale shrank a little under her sharp gaze. “For the last hour Alec has been in here, _assisting_ the Inquisitor, and before that he was with me, going over reports. So how exactly did he aid Isabelle’s possible escape without my notice?”

Lydia was an element he hadn’t factored in when helping Izzy. The last thing he wanted was for her to be somehow roped in. But when he opened his mouth to speak, to refute her claim, the Inquisitor beat him to it.

“This afternoon at around four o’clock you were seen coming out of Isabelle’s room by Raj. You told him that Isabelle wasn’t to be disturbed. That Warlock – Magnus Bane – must have somehow got around the wards and created a portal, absconding with your sister before she could be stripped of her runes. And you – you covered for them, did you not?” Inquisitor Herondale regarded him coolly, like she had already decided that he was guilty. Which he was. But she didn’t know that. Not for sure. “Just like your parents. Traitors, the lot of you.”

“With all due disrespect, Madame Inquisitor, but what proof do you have of this?” Alec replied as calmly as he could, biting back the seething words he wished to say. “With the stress of the trial, I asked that Isabelle be left alone. I was aware that Magnus – that the Warlock remained with her – as her defence attorney – but I was not aware that either of them had left the Institute.”

The Inquisitor raised her brows. “So you deny the accusation?”

“You gave my sister twenty four hours to find the Mortal Cup. Perhaps that’s where she’s gone.” He said dryly.

“You gave me your word, Branwell.” Inquisitor Herondale’s gaze shifted from him to Lydia. The older woman examined her for a moment, taking in the almost protective stance Lydia had taken in front of him, with her upper lip curling in what looked like disgust. To her credit, Lydia did not shrink; she lifted her chin and met her gaze. “You assured me that you would not let whatever feelings you have for this boy cloud your judgement. You disappoint me, Branwell.”

“Inquisitor, I assure you -” Lydia began to say but Inquisitor Herondale held up her hand in a silencing gesture.

“Take him into custody. On your own head be it, Alexander Lightwood, if your sister does not return.”

The five guards flanking the Inquisitor marched forwards. One of them shoved Lydia aside to take hold of his arm. Lydia frantically called out to him as he was hauled forcibly out of the weapons room and ushered down the corridor. A small part of him – a voice in the back of his head that sounded a lot like Jace – was almost flattered that the Inquisitor thought so highly of him, that he needed five of her elite guard to escort him to his holdings. _Pretty slick, no?_  They’d learned their lesson with Isabelle, it seemed. They wouldn’t take any chances with him.

They confined him in a holding cell. The ancient cells in the basement of the Institute haven’t been used in years. The last time he’d been in there, he and Jace had snuck down there to prove to Isabelle that it wasn’t haunted. Any doubts he might have had about his decision faded away when thinking about that day; _I’m your big brother,_ he’d told Izzy when she’d gripped onto his hand and hid behind him, _I’ll always keep you safe._ When Jace jumped out in front of them wearing a white sheet and tripped over his own feet, Izzy stopped being scared of ghosts. And Alec never forgot his promise.

Alec waited. He waited a long time. The downside of being a prisoner was that there was nothing to do but think. But that was probably the point. Throw him in a cell, let him pace like some caged beast and stew in his own thoughts until he cracked. Jace and Clary would probably be at Magnus’ by that point, safe for now. Valentine wouldn’t hold off on using the Cup for long. Isabelle’s twenty four hours were running out. And all the while, Alec was locked up, useless.

Eventually, he heard footsteps as he paced the width of his small cell and then Lydia’s voice as she argued with the guards outside his room. It wasn’t long before the door was pushed open and Lydia hurried through, rushing into him. Alec stumbled back with the force of her hug, too startled to do anything but stand there awkwardly for a moment while she hugged him. Unsure what to do, he patted her on the back. That seemed to jolt her out of it. She closed the door behind her and turned to him, her eyes downcast.

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Lydia sighed, lacking her usual composure. She looked up at him, exhausted, and smiled weakly. “I tried, but the Inquisitor – all she cares about is the Cup. She’s taken over control of the Institute. There was nothing I could do.”

“I’m sorry – I never meant for you to get tangled up in this -”

“You did what you thought was right. I respect that. We could’ve made quite a team, I wish I -” Lydia bowed her head, absently running her fingers over a rune on his arm. She sounded so sad, it made something in his chest tighten. He hadn’t known she’d cared so much. “I’ve been recalled back to Idris. I don’t know where they’ll send me next…”

“Hopefully somewhere quieter, less… chaotic.” Alec said.

Lydia lifted her head, smiling faintly. “We all need a little bit of chaos every now and again.”

The moment was interrupted by the door opening once more. Inquisitor Herondale, flanked by her guards, cocked her head to one side, observing him and Lydia shrewdly. He wondered what she thought she saw – his loving fiancé come to say goodbye to him or something more, something closer to the truth? Once, Alec would have cared what someone like the Inquisitor thought of him. But things were different now.

While a part of him was still loyal, still cared what the Clave might make of his actions, there were more important things to think about.

“If Branwell and Hodge Starkweather are to be believed, you are quite a force to be reckoned with, and in times like these, it is unwise to waste young lives without need.” Inquisitor Herondale said, cold and unflinching. “You found the Cup once, you can do it again.  So I will give you forty-eight hours to find the Cup or bring back the traitors, Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane, Jace Wayland, and Clarissa Fairchild. Make your choice, Alexander. Should you fail, there will be no second chances for you or your family.”

Alec stared, uncomprehending. “You want me to find Valentine on my own?”

“We’re not going to expend Clave resources cleaning up your mess.” Inquisitor Herondale replied.

“Jace and the others -” Lydia began.

“-Are wanted criminals.  And you don’t know where they are, do you, Alec?”

Alec shook his head. He didn’t trust himself to speak, not without further digging his own grave. The Inquisitor smiled thinly, seemingly satisfied, and gestured for him to follow when she turned sharply on her heel. Lydia touched his hand, gently uncurling his fingers from a fist he hadn’t known he’d formed. He smiled faintly in thanks before he followed the Inquisitor and her guards.

If he could, he would’ve said goodbye to Hodge and Lydia, but he never got the chance. He was given his blade, his stele, and his bow and ordered out of the Institute. Alec laughed bitterly to himself. Kicked out of his own home, wasn’t that just icing on the cake?

“Choose wisely, Alec.” The Inquisitor called after him. Alec didn’t look back.

The Clave wouldn’t just let him go – not so easily. They’d track him, watch where he went. No doubt they expected him to lead them straight to Isabelle and the others. And if he drew a rune to stop them from tracking him right away, they’d find another method, tap into his phone or bring in a warlock. No, he needed to wait. Alec walked, his strides long and purposeful, and only bothered to glamour his weapons. The Mundanes didn’t take much notice of him anyway, Mundanes never paid much attention to anything.

Alec walked for a long time, not really sure where he was headed. The fresh air was good, helped clear his head. He didn’t even mind it too much when it started to rain; the thick clouds, dark sky, and sudden downpour suited his mood. The Mundanes around him, all huddled pathetically under umbrellas, gave him odd looks. Alec rolled his eyes and ignored them.

Drenched, shivering, with his hair plastered to his skull, Alec barely knew where he was or where he was going until he looked up and saw the flickering banner for Taki’s diner across the street. Taki’s made sense. It wouldn’t raise any red flags and he could be meeting anyone there. Shadowhunter. Downworlder. The Clave would be none the wiser.

Alec ran across the street and ducked into the diner. It was busy - busier than usual - and that suited him just fine. No one paid him any attention as he made his way through to the back, slipping unnoticed into the bathroom. The bathroom was empty and he locked the door behind him, but ran one of the taps just to be safe. Alec fished his phone out of his back pocket and turned it on with one hand and grabbed his stele with the other. He dialled Magnus’ number while drawing an anti-tracking rune onto his arm.

“Hello? Alexander?” Magnus picked up on the second ring. The line was crackly, Magnus’ voice barely audible. He guessed Taki’s men’s room probably wasn’t the best place to find good service during a storm. “Hello? Are you there?”

“Magnus, hey. The line’s not great. I’m – uh - sorry it took so long -”

“You stupid Nephilim,” Magnus sighed. “Do you have any idea how worried I – _we_ were?”

Alec paused, unsure how to respond. “Listen,” he hedged, “Can you make a portal? I’m in the uh – men’s bathroom at Taki’s diner.”

“Of course you are.” Magnus said dryly, but Alec could hear the amusement in his tone.

A moment later a portal swirled into existence on the wall beside him.

“Thanks.” Alec said and smiled to himself when Magnus muttered a quiet, sour-sounding ‘you’re welcome’ in response before Alec hung up. He turned his phone off, shoved it in his back pocket, and dragged his fingers through his dripping wet hair. Turning to the portal, Alec caught sight of his reflection and grimaced. As stupid as it was, a small part of him wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of turning up at Magnus Bane’s apartment looking like a drowned rat. Rolling his eyes, he pushed the thought aside.

He ran his fingers over the new, fresh rune on his arm, reassuring himself that the Clave wouldn’t be able to track him for now, before he pictured Magnus’ loft in his mind and stepped through the portal.

Magnus was stood waiting for him, just a couple of feet away from the portal. Alec nearly sighed in relief. Seeing Magnus after the events of the day did something strange to his chest, made him feel warmer than it probably should have. The Warlock waved his arms and the portal vanished. Magnus was still wearing the suit he’d been wearing earlier, minus the jacket, with the sleeves rolled up and his dark pink tie loosened. It was a good look on him. Though, if Alec was being honest, he thought anything Magnus wore was a good look on him.

“You stupid Nephilim.” Magnus muttered again with an odd look on his face. “What were you thinking?”

Alec shrugged, he didn’t really know how else to answer. He was too tired to come up with a good argument to defend his actions. He knew why he had done what he did, he just didn’t know how to make Magnus _understand._ Alec tore his gaze away from Magnus to look around the apartment. No sign of Izzy or Jace and Clary.

“Where -” He began to ask.

“They’re _fine_.” Magnus gently cut in.  “They’re in the other room. They don’t know you’re here yet.”

The silence between them was tense, awkward. Alec felt like there was something that needed to be said – something important – but he didn’t know what. It wasn’t exactly a new feeling though; he never knew what the right thing to say was. Magnus wasn’t like Izzy and Jace. Magnus didn’t know how to read him like an open book when words failed him.

It was only then that Alec realised they were standing in the Warlock’s bedroom. There was something oddly intimidate about being alone with Magnus there, with his unmade bed in view. Alec had to duck his head to hide his rising blush. And in the end, Magnus sighed and wordlessly gestured for him to follow as he turned on his heel and headed in the direction of his living room. Clary and Izzy were sat together on the couch, a blanket wrapped around Clary’s shoulders, while Jace paced in front of the large windows. The vice-like feeling in his chest, which he had been feeling since that night in the City of Bones, pressed a little tighter upon seeing his _parabatai_.

Izzy was the first one to notice him. She leapt to her feet the moment he and Magnus walked in, hurtling herself across the room into Alec’s arms. Alec stumbled back with the force of it, grinning into Izzy’s hair when she pressed her forehead to the crook of his neck. “Don’t _ever_ do anything like that to me again.” Isabelle exclaimed, voice muffled against his jacket.

Alec didn’t say anything. He knew he’d do it again in a heartbeat.

“Alec.” Jace called, still pacing and wringing his hands. “Glad you made it.”

“Yeah…” Alec said, squinting. Not even when he’d had feelings for Jace had he felt so awkward around him. “Yeah, uh – you too.”

Isabelle drew away and suddenly Clary was there, hugging him as well. The gesture startled him and he stood there awkwardly, trying to work out how to respond. Clary stepped back before he could puzzle out the gesture and smiled softly. “Alec, I’m glad you’re okay.”

Alec’s lips twitched, smiling faintly. Izzy tugged on his arm before he could respond and stole his attention back.

“You’re soaked! You’re going to get sick -”

“I’ll be fine, Izzy. We’ve got more important things to think about right now. After they arrested me, the Clave -”

“Wait, they _arrested_ you?” Clary cut in, looking up at him with big eyes. “But you did nothing wrong!” She was still so very much a Mundane at heart. She was naïve. _Painfully_ so. Never quite able to grasp that actions had consequences, not matter how good the intentions were.

“After they arrested me, they gave me a choice.” Alec continued, ignoring Clary. “Find the Mortal Cup, or arrest you. All of you.”

“Which one are you going to choose?” Jace called from the corner, his eyes hard and angry. “’Cause you’ve been making some awfully questionable decisions lately.”

“Jace! You know that’s not even a question.” Izzy hissed, shooting Alec an apologetic glance. But Alec understood. Jace was about as good as he was at dealing with his emotions. He needed to turn that into something he understood. And anger was easy. Anger he understood. But that didn’t mean he was just going to take it. Not anymore. Not when his _parabatai_ rune still burned with the feeling of betrayal.

“ _I’ve_ been making questionable decisions? I wasn’t the one who took the Cup from where it was _safe_. I wasn’t the one who gave it to _Valentine.”_

“I didn’t _give_ him anything, Alec. Maybe if you’d been there with us, instead of following the Clave -”

“Don’t put this on me. You did this. Not me.”

“Alec! Jace! That’s enough! Fighting isn’t going to get us anywhere.” Clary cried, stepping between them and holding out her hands like she was stopping them from going at each other’s throats. Alec shook his head and sighed long-sufferingly when Isabelle started hassling him with a towel that had appeared out of nowhere. Alec glanced at Magnus, who smiled innocently and waved his wrist, gesturing for him to continue.

“They’ve given me forty-eight hours. To bring you in or find the Cup. If I fail…” Alec sighed and batted the towel Isabelle was holding out to him away. “We’re not going to get any help from the Institute. Hodge – maybe, but they’ve recalled Lydia back to Idris -” Alec didn’t notice the way Magnus suddenly straightened, nor the curious glance Isabelle sent his way. “We’re on our own.”

Alec had always cleaned up after Jace and Izzy whenever they bent the rules, but never the  _law._ He knew every Clave rule, guideline, code of conduct – he knew there would be no coming back from this if he failed. And a mission like this would require planning and numbers - with intel they didn’t have and backup that would never come – it was hopeless,  _suicidal,_ but it was all they had. Alec dragged his fingers through his wet hair, sighing heavily for probably the hundredth time that day.

“Your Downworlder friends – the ones which helped Meliorn escape – would they be open to working with you again?” Alec asked Clary, knowing she was no doubt the ringleader being that particular fiasco. The redhead blinked at him, all wide-eyed and startled again, before her gaze shifted to Jace. Jace just shrugged unhelpfully.

“Luke – yeah, and his pack – but I don’t know about the others. I can call Simon, maybe he’ll be able to talk to Raphael…” Clary said, looking uncertain.

“I can call Meliorn. After what happened, I’m sure he’d be willing to help.” Isabelle offered, already pulling out her phone.

Alec nodded, lips set in a grim line. “With the Cup in Valentine’s possession, it won’t be long before demon activity gets out of control. We’ll need all the help we can get just to get _close_ to him. Not that we know where the hell he even is, or how to find him.”

Then suddenly, Clary whirled around and gripped his arm. “The Cup is still in the tarot card! Valentine won’t be able to use it -”

“Which means he may come to us.” Magnus said before he pushed himself away from the wall he’d been leaning against with his usual grace and stalked to the centre of the room. “For now, I suggest we get some food – nothing good is done on an empty stomach – and Alexander, you should shower. And that’s not just me trying to get you out of your clothes. As much as I like the view, your lips are turning blue.”

Alec flushed when Magnus very slowly ran his gaze up and down Alec, and he stuttered out a response. “Yeah, I – uh – sure, I guess.”

“Follow me, I’ll show you where everything is.” Magnus said and Alec hesitated for just a moment before he followed him out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title is taken from polarize by twenty one pilots. i listened to that song on repeat while writing this.
> 
> sorry for the wait! hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


	3. respite

“You know, they say body heat is best for hypothermia.” Magnus said as he ushered Alec through sliding doors into his bedroom.

Alec rolled his eyes. “Magnus, I’m a Shadowhunter. We don’t get sick.”

“Oh well, it was worth a shot” Magnus sighed dramatically. “The bathroom’s through there. I’ll find you something dry to wear -”

“Magnus, wait.” Alec said and caught the man’s arm when he started to turn away. The flirty, unaffected mask Magnus had been hiding behind slipped when his eyes flashed up to Alec’s, surprise and concern in those warm brown depths. Alec loosened his grip on Magnus’ arm but didn’t let go. “I wanted to say thank you. For everything. You didn’t have to do this – I don’t – I’ll never be able to repay you -”

“Alexander.” Magnus smiled faintly, gaze falling to where Alec’s hand sat on his arm. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“No, I do. You risked everything, helping Izzy.”

Magnus tilted his head to one side with an almost sheepish smile taking over his features. “As lovely as young Isabelle is, I didn’t do it for her. Of course – I would have helped her regardless, but I -” Magnus struggled for words, something he hadn’t thought possible for the Warlock. Alec smiled uncertainly, as if to say _‘it’s okay, I understand’,_ and squeezed Magnus’ arm.

“Regardless. You didn’t have to help us but you did. And now the Clave -”

“The Clave.” Magnus muttered the word like it was a curse. “Do not concern yourself with the Clave. I have every faith that you’ll succeed and get the Cup back. Now go, get out of those wet clothes before you ruin the varnish on my nice wooden floors.” Alec glanced down at his feet and smirked at the sight of the puddle he was leaving behind. “I’ll leave you some dry clothes on the bed.”

Magnus always had an odd effect on him, always left him feeling confused. Alec frowned after the Warlock, watching as he left the room and closed the doors after him. He ran his thumb over the tips of his fingers, frowning at the peculiar way they tingled. Alec put it down to the cold - maybe Shadowhunters could get sick after all – and trudged through into the bathroom.

Magnus’ bathroom was exactly like he would have imagined it. It was decadent; very… _Magnus-like_. It put what they had back in the Institute to shame. Alec peeled off his drenched clothes, wincing when he lifted his injured arm, and left his clothes in a heap on the floor. The Forsaken wound had reopened, blood had seeped through the bandage wrapped around it. Ignoring it for now, Alec spent a good five minutes staring and fiddling with all the different buttons and settings on the shower before he got it to work. The relief was instantaneous.

He never groaned aloud. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting the warm water run through his hair and down his face.

As much as he would’ve liked to stay in that shower forever, Alec knew the sooner they acted the better. He washed quickly, painfully aware that he was very much naked in _Magnus Bane’s_ apartment, using Magnus’ soap, in a shower where the Warlock had also – presumably – been naked. It was a distracting thought, one which made his cheeks burn with a flush he was glad no one was around to see.

Alec turned the shower before he could think any more about _that_ and grabbed a towel.

His wet clothes were gone from the floor – Magnus’ doing _,_ he thought with a small smile – and there were some dry ones, as promised, waiting for him on Magnus’ bed. He dried himself off quickly and pulled on the plain white t-shirt and black sweatpants. The sweatpants were a little short on him and the t-shirt was a tight fit, but he wasn’t about to complain. He folded the towel and left it in the bathroom, unsure where else to put it. The Forsaken wound was troubling; he caught sight of it in the mirror and grimaced.

Maybe Magnus was right. Maybe it did need a little Warlock TLC.

Jace, Clary, and Izzy were right where he left them, still sat in Magnus’ living room, talking quietly amongst themselves. Magnus was stood away from them, leaning against the wall, his arms folded. He looked up when Alec walked into the room, gaze immediately shifting to the wound on Alec’s arm. For a moment, Alec swore he saw a flash of Magnus’ real eyes, unglamoured. It was there just for a moment, brief enough that he put it down to his imagination. The way Magnus was looking at him though - Alec nearly stumbled mid-step under the intensity of his gaze.

He wasn’t used to anyone who wasn’t Jace or Izzy looking at him with such concern. He’d felt that before, when Magnus had first offered to heal his arm. Alec hadn’t known what to do with the other man’s concern, so he’d frozen up and pushed him away.

“So what happened?” Alec asked, never one to pussyfoot around. “How the hell did Valentine get the Cup?”

“It’s… hard to explain. It’s a long story.” Clary sighed, looking helplessly at Jace. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Alec scowled. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you have somewhere else you need to be?”

“Alec.” Jace warned. “Don’t. It’s not Clary’s fault.”

“I never said it was.” Alec muttered but it _was_. It was her fault. Sure, they’d never would have found the Cup without her, but before she had arrived Jace never would have acted so recklessly. Not without coming to Alec first. They’d been a team before Clary Fray had come along and turned everything upside down. Alec folded his arms over his chest, ignoring how to pulled uncomfortably at the Forsaken wound, and sighed. “So explain. And start with why the hell you stole the Cup from the Institute in the first place.”

“Alec, the Clave had gone too far!” Clary exclaimed and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the little girl talking so vehemently about things she barely understood. “They were going to torture Meliorn for _no reason_ – if they were prepared to do that, what would they do if they go their hands on the Cup? I’d lose all chances of ever getting my mother back...”  

“Because that’s all that matters? Finding your mother?”

“No. Of course not…” Clary sighed wearily. “I never would have traded the Cup with Valentine for her, but… but I -”

Alec startled at the light touch of Magnus’ hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t even noticed him approach. “Let me help you.” Magnus murmured, eyes soft and etched with concern. Alec opened his mouth to argue – Magnus shouldn’t have to expend his magic and energy on him - and the other man sighed and tightened his grip on Alec’s shoulder. “Please.”

He nodded tersely, jaw clenched. Magnus smiled faintly and with a flourish, blue light started to swirl around his fingers. Alec watched as the angry red skin around the wound began to fade and knit back together. It should’ve made him uncomfortable – the magic – but it didn’t. Alec watched, enraptured as he always was when he saw Magnus using his magic. He looked away, swallowing hard, and forced himself to focus his attention on the matter at hand. Izzy. Jace. The Cup. The world’s imminent destruction.

Alec had read that every Warlock’s magic was different. Magnus’ was – well, quite _magical._

The sudden knock at the door helped focus his attention on something other than Magnus and the warm feeling which was spreading through him – something he knew deep down wasn’t caused by the magic, but something he wasn’t ready to understand… Alec heard Izzy say something about food and his eyes followed her as she got up and walked to the front door. She appeared a few moments later, brandishing take-out boxes of Chinese food. Magnus drew away, his expression difficult to read, and Alec glanced down at his arm to explain his work.

The wound wasn’t entirely healed but it wasn’t bleeding and it didn’t hurt anymore.

“Thank you.” Alec said, though the words didn’t feel quite enough. Magnus waved off his thanks, his expression still hard for Alec to read, and turned abruptly on his heel. The Warlock moved to one of the armchairs and with a snap of his fingers, there was a cocktail in his hand and a plate full of food in Alec’s. Alec didn’t miss the way Isabelle’s eyebrow arched as she glanced between him and Magnus.

“If Valentine can’t get the Cup out of the tarot card without you or your mother, then we might have a chance.” Alec told them as he sat down next to his sister. Isabelle passed him a fork, knowing how hopeless he was with chopsticks, and he smiled faintly at her. “Jace – on the phone – you said he was your father – how is that even possible?”

Jace didn’t reply. He looked away with such a stricken expression that made Alec’s heart lurch for him.

“After we came out of the portal from the other dimension, we found Valentine in a locker, glamoured to look like Michael Wayland -” Clary began casually, like that was a perfectly normal sentence and not completely insane – “He said he’d been Valentine’s prisoner all these years. We believed him, but… but then when we were at Luke’s – he said something that didn’t add up. Luke was gone, he got called away to deal with some body found on the docks – and Valentine dropped the glamour after he stole the Cup from my bag. Others turned up – Circle members – there was nothing we could do.”

“But how do you know he was telling the truth? How do you know he’s your father?” Alec asked, frowning as he took it all in.

“He knew things… things only my father would.” Jace said, his hands balling into fists.

“So you’re… you’re brother and sister?” Alec found himself saying, eyebrows lifting in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Clary said, her voice small.

Alec didn’t know what to say – what the hell did you say to something like that? He felt useless. His _parabatai_ was hurting and there was nothing he could do to help him. With a heavy sigh, Alec leaned back against the back of the sofa and started to eat. The food was good and he was grateful for the distraction. It gave him time to think – or to _brood_ as Izzy would say - in silence.

He thought about all he’d been trying to do to restore his family’s good name. All that work had come crumbling down with one bad decision. Even if they managed to bring the Cup back, the Inquisitor wouldn’t hand the reins of the Institute back so easily. His days of the acting Head of the Institute were no doubt over. Alec would most likely still have to marry – someone from an important family in Idris, with strong ties to the Clave – and would spend the rest of his life under the Clave’s thumb. And that – he thought with a short, breathless laugh – was the most positive outcome he could think of.

“Brother and sister?” Alec repeated, mostly to himself, mostly without meaning to, dumbfounded. Izzy elbowed him and he could have sworn he heard Magnus giggle under his breath. ‘ _Tact’_ Isabelle muttered under her breath and Alec grimaced. “Sorry – uh -”

They ate in silence – tense, awkward silence – that seemed to last forever.

Eventually, Magnus seemed to grow tired of it and with a flick of his wrist, the tv turned on. Magnus skipped through the channels until Clary asked him to stop when some Mundane movie came on. Alec didn’t pay much attention to it and had no idea what it was about, only that at one point, when he glanced up from his food, the main character appeared to be stuck in a strange sort of prison at the bottom of a pit. He watched, scowling, as the guy tried and tried again to climb the wall out of the prison.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” he muttered. “What’s so difficult about climbing a wall?”

Clary rolled her eyes. “Not everyone is a Shadowhunter, Alec.”

Alec had never been one for movies – they’d never really interested him much. This one was no exception. “What’s the point of all that stupid armour if it can’t even stop a knife?” Alec asked later on, scowling at the television screen. Isabelle snorted and told him – fondly – to shut up. Alec rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He put his empty plate down on the coffee table and sagged against the back of the sofa, tired enough to finally relax. Izzy shifted and he wrapped his arm around her when she leaned into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. Absently, he ran the tips of his fingers over the newly healed skin on his arm, unaware of Magnus’ watchful gaze.

It didn’t take long for his eyelids to grow too heavy to fight. Had someone told him a few months before that he would fall asleep, warm and comfortable and _content_ on Magnus Bane’s couch, with some ridiculous Mundane movie blasting in the background, while facing banishment from the Clave, he never would have believed them.

 

\- - -

 

In the morning, Alec woke up on the couch, underneath a mountain of blankets, with a small cat curled up on his chest.

The cat was fluffy, with big amber eyes that opened and seemed to glower at him when he tried to sit up. Alec smiled bemusedly, not entirely certain he wasn’t still dreaming, and lifted his arm out from under the blankets to scratch behind the cat’s ear. The cat purred happily and Alec laughed quietly to himself. He’d always liked cats – had always wanted one, but was never allowed because of his mother’s disdain for pets.

Alec blinked up at the ceiling, suddenly remembering where he was. It all came back to him; Izzy’s trial, _Magnus_ , Valentine, and the Clave – The little cat meowed unhappily when he tensed, opening its eyes to glower at him once again. “Sorry, sorry. I beg your forgiveness.” Alec muttered and gently stroked the top of the cat's head.

He heard light footsteps and then, “Chairman, I do hope you’re not bothering poor Alexander.” Magnus leaned over the back of the sofa and looked down at him with a warm smile that did strange things to his chest. His heart was beating faster, like it was trying to burst out of his chest, but he felt warm, so very warm… Alec swallowed heavily, his thoughts a jumbled mess.

“As adorable as this is,” Magnus chuckled, “the others are growing impatient, I’m afraid.”

“They’re already awake? Why didn’t someone wake me sooner -”

“You were tired. I told them to leave you so you could get a proper night’s sleep.”

“Sleep? I don’t have time to _sleep,_ Magnus.” Alec said as he sat up carefully, holding the cat against his chest.

Magnus tutted quietly under his breath. “Alexander, you’re not just a soldier. You’re a man too, and you need your sleep.” When Alec looked like he was going to argue, Magnus sighed. “Think of it this way then, you’re no good to anyone if you’re exhausted.”

Alec knew Magnus was right, as much as it pained him to admit. The cat, displeased with the loss of its comfortable human pillow, gave him a dark look before it jumped off of the couch. When Magnus turned around, saying something about coffee, Alec threw back the blankets and stretched his arms over his head, rolling his head to ease the crick in his neck. He followed Magnus into the kitchen where he found the others sat around the table and – most importantly - a steaming mug of coffee – black, with one sugar, just the way he liked it.

“Morning.” He said and sat down between Clary and Isabelle.

“ _Afternoon.”_   Clary smirked. “It’s almost one.”

Alec grimaced, feeling a stab of guilt. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“You didn’t,” Clary smiled. “None of us have been up for long. I guess we all needed the sleep, huh?”

Alec frowned down at his mug of coffee, unsure how to handle having a civil conversation with Clary Fray.  And at that moment – thank the Angel - Isabelle’s phone suddenly rang. He’d never been so happy to hear that stupid ringtone. Izzy pulled her phone out of her pocket and answered it before Alec could stop her. “Hello? Oh – Hodge, hey – yes, yes, I’m okay – what? Oh. Yeah, he’s here. Just a minute.” She lowered the phone from her ear and looked at Alec. “It’s Hodge. He wants to talk to you.”

Alec took the phone from her and answered it with a frown. “Hodge?”

There was a heavy sigh on the other end. “Alec, thank the Angel you’re alright. I need you to listen to me very carefully. The Clave doesn’t know this yet – but I think we’ve found Valentine. We managed to track him. He’s -”

“What? How?” They’d been trying to track him for months - Valentine’s position couldn’t just fall into their laps, not when they needed it the most – a voice in the back of his head told him it was too good to be true, that the timing was too convenient – there had to be more going on, something Hodge wasn’t telling him. “I don’t understand. Who found him? How did -”

“It doesn’t matter how right now. Focus. He’s at an abandoned hospital – Renwick’s -”

“Renwick’s?” Alec repeated, meeting Clary’s wide-eyed gaze. “I’ve heard of it. On the Blackwell’s old island?”

“Is – is Clary with you?” Hodge asked, his voice sounding strained. “And Jace?”

“They’re both here.” He replied after a moment of hesitation.  

“Good… that’s good – I’m sorry, I have to go before anyone catches me talking to you. But - be careful, you hear me? That place will be swarming with -” Hodge hissed in pain “- Circle members and who knows what else. Even if the Clave finds out where Valentine is, they’re not going to make a move until they’re sure – by which point he’ll be long gone – so I’m afraid you’re on your own, Alec.”

“I know, Hodge.” Alec sighed. “Thank you.”

“Look after yourself.” Was all Hodge said before he hung up the phone.

Alec lowered Izzy’s phone from his ear and stared down at it, ignoring the other’s expectant looks. Something didn’t feel right. He’d heard of Renwick’s – once a smallpox hospital and later an asylum, it was now nothing more than a run-down old building, condemned and abandoned. It was isolated – surrounded by water on all sides, making it difficult to be tracked by the usual methods – and they’d risk being seen if they tried to approach the island by boat. There was only two options, it seemed. Finding some Mundane method or –

“Alec? _Hello?”_ Izzy clicked her fingers in front of his face, jolting him back to the present. “Good, you’re back. So what did Hodge say?”

Alec ignored her, turning his attention to Magnus instead. “Magnus, have you ever been to Blackwell’s Island?”

“No, I can’t say I have.” Magnus replied with a small sigh. “I suppose we’ll have to take the subway.”

“‘We’?” Clary repeated, sounding surprised. “You’re coming with us?”

“But of course. There’s never anything decent on tv at this time of day anyway.” Magnus said, deflecting. Alec’s eyes narrowed, knowing there was more to it than that. He almost opened his mouth to ask but then he remembered that Magnus had helped steal the cup in the first place. _Probably feels like he has_ _no choice but to help us,_ Alec thought, frowning. He didn’t want Magnus feeling like he owed them anything. Not after all he’d done to help. Even if he had been the one who stole Alec’s _stele –_

“Hodge said they tracked Valentine there. If it’s true –”

“-then we don’t know how long he’ll stay there. We should go now. Before it’s too late.” Jace cut in, already on his feet. The look on his face – determined, ready to charge headfirst into battle – promised trouble. Alec shook his head, knowing he’d need to be the voice of reason. That was what he did. He calculated the risk. And this – this was a mission too risky for him to approve. And yet, if he didn’t – he’d risk Valentine slipping through his fingers – or worse still, Jace and Izzy and Clary going ahead without him.

“No, we wait until nightfall. Less visible, more difficult to detect. And if the Vampires -”

“Alec,” Jace cut in impatiently. “We can’t afford to wait.”

“This is _Valentine_ we’re going up against, not just a couple of demons. We can’t afford to be stupid.”

“Alec’s right -” Words he’d never thought would come out of Clary’s mouth “-Simon said he’d talk to Raphael. He’ll come around, this effects them too. And if we have them and Luke’s pack, we might actually stand a chance.”

“So we _wait?”_ Jace asked in what sounded like disbelief.

As much as he hated to go against his _parabatai,_ Alec nodded. “So we wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this chapter, thanks so much for reading :) i don't have a beta and i tend to do most of my writing at night when i'm sleepy and hopeless at proof-reading, so if there are any mistakes please let me know :)
> 
> And yes, the movie they were watching is the dark knight. i couldn't help it, alec just seems like the type who would comment on everything wrong with action stunts and fight scenes.


End file.
